Carly's Courage to the End

Written by Laura Vance

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This personal essay won third place in the Lisa Anne Minakowski Memorial Scholarship, in which the writer was to “Tell us your loved one’s cancer story and what their strength taught you.” In response to this, I wrote about my childhood friend’s journey with cancer and the immortal power of humor.

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I’d like to think that Carly Allphin was still laughing on her deathbed. I know the truth, though. I’ve seen the photos of her in those last moments, when her organs were failing and all she could really do was lay in her living room as her life was mercilessly stolen from her. In those gray pictures devoid of all hope and happiness, she wasn’t laughing. Not even close.

I will not define her by that.

Instead, I choose to revere the many years of laughter that precede her unjust passing. Those years are an endless source of inspiration.

Upon being diagnosed with stage four Ewing’s Sarcoma, what fourteen-year-old’s first instinct is to make a joke? In April of 2016, her life had been turned upside down; she traded middle school for hospitals as chemotherapy began to steal her hair. I know she must have been terrified. Anyone would have been. But she was nothing but smiles, insisting that I rub her newly shaved head for good luck when I visited her a few months later. There I learned of her insistence to name her Facebook group hashtag #CarlyKicksButt. Her mother, who felt the name was too crude for their following, changed it to #Carly’sCourage, but not without laughing a little as she told us.

That wouldn’t stop her natural gift for naming things, though. Two years after entering remission, Carly named her newfound malignancy “Sherman.” She was not deterred by the fact that she had to shave off her regrown hair all over again, nor by how her chances of survival were virtually nonexistent. Instead, she created a new hashtag called #ShrinkingSherman, and continued to press forward with a smile.

I only ever visited her a few times. In a hospital room that should have been bleak and sorrowful, Carly lit up every square inch of the space with her ever-present laughter and quick wit. Despite being the sickest in the room, despite having the greatest reason to fear, she was consistently radiant.

I know I wasn’t with her every moment. I’m sure there were days – probably most of them – that were gloomy and terrifying. But the name of her Facebook group was appropriate: Carly had an endless supply of courage, and sometimes that means laughing at the wall of odds stacked against you.

Some might say that cancer beat Carly – it took her in June of 2020, four long years after her diagnosis. Though she has been laid to rest, I truly believe that Carly is the victor. She didn’t just defeat it, she completely destroyed it by refusing to give it any more power than necessary. Its physical effects were undeniable, but she neglected to let it poison her spirit, her courage, or her sense of humor.

Carly Allphin won, without a doubt, and she did it laughing.

Carly Allphin proved to me that I can fight too, and I can win with a smile on my face.

Quotes by Critics

​"You had such a wonderful piece. I could really feel the spirit of your friend." - Grace Minakowski, daughter of Lisa Anne Minakowski